1
00:00:02,536 --> 00:00:04,770
Well, what it boils down to is
2
00:00:04,772 --> 00:00:07,106
we've gotta take a closer look
at our bills.
3
00:00:07,708 --> 00:00:09,675
[grunts]
4
00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:12,311
Hey! What's going on in here?
5
00:00:12,313 --> 00:00:13,946
We're having a family meeting.
6
00:00:13,948 --> 00:00:17,549
Oh, I get it.
Freeze out the alien.
7
00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:19,818
I guess I'm not part
of the family.
8
00:00:19,820 --> 00:00:22,488
Uh, ALF, we thought you were
watching "The Three Stooges."
9
00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:24,490
I turned it off.
10
00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:28,460
Somehow I just can't buy
Shemp as a surgeon.
11
00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:30,829
- Curly was a senator once.
- True.
12
00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:33,732
And Moe was speaker
of the house.
13
00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:36,635
Could we, uh, put an end to the
stooge talk here for a minute?
14
00:00:36,637 --> 00:00:38,003
[imitating Curly]
Certainly.
15
00:00:38,005 --> 00:00:40,039
[gibberish]
16
00:00:42,343 --> 00:00:43,976
We'd like to get back
to our meeting.
17
00:00:43,978 --> 00:00:47,479
Oh, yeah.
The meeting I wasn't invited to.
18
00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:49,481
It's, uh, it's about
our family budget.
19
00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:50,983
What'd you think
I was going to do?
20
00:00:50,985 --> 00:00:53,352
Dominate the conversation?
Be a nuisance?
21
00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:54,686
No, ALF, nobody ever suggest--
22
00:00:54,688 --> 00:00:56,989
Throw up a lot of
pointless suggestions?
23
00:00:56,991 --> 00:00:58,757
- Interrupt everybody?
- Ah, we never said--
24
00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:00,426
Never let anyone get a word
in edgewise--
25
00:01:00,428 --> 00:01:04,530
ALF!
You can come to the meeting.
26
00:01:04,532 --> 00:01:06,131
No, thanks.
27
00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:09,835
[theme music]
28
00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:22,748
[no audio]
29
00:01:26,921 --> 00:01:29,188
[no audio]
30
00:01:33,894 --> 00:01:35,994
[no audio]
31
00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:43,635
[no audio]
32
00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:03,956
[no audio]
33
00:02:10,764 --> 00:02:12,064
Let's just take a look at
our electric bill for example
34
00:02:12,066 --> 00:02:13,932
it's three times
what it used to be.
35
00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:16,735
Maybe it's the porch light you
leave on every time I go out.
36
00:02:16,737 --> 00:02:18,904
Porch light stays.
37
00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:23,609
[chuckles]
And we've been keeping
the thermostat down to 70.
38
00:02:23,611 --> 00:02:26,578
And I turn off the dryer
as soon as I wake up.
39
00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:29,648
Well, we're just going..
The, the dryer?
40
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,650
What do you mean
turn off the dryer?
41
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,652
Why, why would you
even turn it on?
42
00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:35,921
To keep me company at night.
43
00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:38,824
Why? Is eight hours too long?
44
00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:39,925
Yes.
45
00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:42,628
What if I just leave it
on delicates?
46
00:02:42,630 --> 00:02:44,363
Leave it off.
47
00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:47,699
Now, let's get back to
the rest of our money problems.
48
00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:50,435
No chance of your getting
a better job I suppose.
49
00:02:50,437 --> 00:02:53,639
I like my job.
The money's fine.
50
00:02:53,641 --> 00:02:57,476
Who made this call to Munich?
Munich, Germany?
51
00:02:57,478 --> 00:03:00,145
Munich?
That has to be a mistake.
52
00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:02,181
No, it's not.
53
00:03:02,183 --> 00:03:04,650
You called Munich. Why?
54
00:03:04,652 --> 00:03:05,984
Remember the vacuum cleaner
I broke?
55
00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:07,386
Yeah.
56
00:03:07,388 --> 00:03:10,455
Well, the repair place said they
couldn't get the chicken salad
57
00:03:10,457 --> 00:03:12,224
out of the impeller blade
58
00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:14,793
and they had to send it
to Germany for an overhaul.
59
00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:19,364
That doesn't explain
why you'd call Germany.
60
00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:22,067
Hey, I believe in following
things through.
61
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:26,038
Let's move on to
another problem.
62
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:29,107
- Food.
- I'm gonna go get some cookies.
63
00:03:31,045 --> 00:03:35,214
I don't think that all of us
are aware how much food costs.
64
00:03:35,216 --> 00:03:39,117
We're all out of macaroons.
All we got are chocolate chips.
65
00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:46,291
Let alone how much food is being
consumed for that matter.
66
00:03:47,828 --> 00:03:49,094
Is something wrong?
67
00:03:50,531 --> 00:03:51,997
You're eating all our food.
68
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:54,266
All the food?
69
00:03:57,004 --> 00:03:58,904
Except the stuff
that lands on the floor.
70
00:04:01,175 --> 00:04:05,377
Okay, I'm beginning to realize
what this is all about.
71
00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:07,546
You all think I'm a parasite.
72
00:04:07,548 --> 00:04:10,249
No one thinks you're a parasite.
73
00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:12,384
Alright. A freeloader?
74
00:04:12,386 --> 00:04:14,286
Freeloader is closer.
75
00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:15,954
What about a sponger?
76
00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:17,422
Where did you ever
hear that word?
77
00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:20,425
That's what you called him
last week.
78
00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:21,927
Oh, I see.
79
00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:25,230
Let's just settle on parasite
and move on.
80
00:04:25,232 --> 00:04:29,568
Fine. If you want me,
I'll be in my room.
81
00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:32,271
Not wasting money.
82
00:04:34,108 --> 00:04:36,141
[piano music]
83
00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:49,121
¶ I just checked into
the Parasite Hotel ¶
84
00:04:51,225 --> 00:04:54,860
¶ They ain't got a porter
or a bell ¶
85
00:04:56,263 --> 00:05:00,299
¶ I checked in
to that Parasite Hotel ¶¶
86
00:05:00,301 --> 00:05:02,668
- ALF!
- Oh, I'm sorry.
87
00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:04,336
Was I playing too loud?
88
00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:06,838
I didn't know
you could play the piano.
89
00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:08,340
Well, I was winging it.
90
00:05:08,342 --> 00:05:10,876
It's tough to play
without the red keys.
91
00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:13,945
You seem kinda down.
92
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:18,350
Maybe I'm being overly sensitive
about being called a freeloader
93
00:05:18,352 --> 00:05:21,119
sponger and parasite.
94
00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:25,257
Oh, ALF, we didn't mean to call
you any of those things.
95
00:05:25,259 --> 00:05:28,660
You, you just happened
to catch us in a moment of..
96
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,462
Honesty.
97
00:05:30,464 --> 00:05:33,265
It's just a matter of making
a few adjustments. You know we--
98
00:05:33,267 --> 00:05:37,636
No need to lay it out, Kateski.
I hear you loud and clear.
99
00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:39,805
I've gotta get a job.
100
00:05:39,807 --> 00:05:41,840
- A job?
- That's right.
101
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:46,445
It's nose to the grindstone time
for this parasite.
102
00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:48,880
But, um, what could you even do?
103
00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:52,317
Well, on Melmac,
I owned and operated
104
00:05:52,319 --> 00:05:54,353
my own phlegm dealership.
105
00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:56,888
Phlegm dealership?
106
00:05:56,890 --> 00:06:00,892
Ever tried one?
The phlegm turbo was a classic.
107
00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:03,895
Must be some other options.
108
00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:05,230
Well, there was a sunroof
109
00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:08,834
but, uh, it was best
to keep it closed.
110
00:06:08,836 --> 00:06:12,137
Now, you don't need
to get a job.
111
00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:14,506
Listen, if you really wanna
contribute
112
00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:16,541
we'll give you a few chores
to do around the house.
113
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,176
How would that be?
114
00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:21,079
You mean fluffing up pillows?
Stuff like that?
115
00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:24,182
Well, no, but you could, uh,
help fold laundry
116
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:26,985
load the dishwasher.
117
00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:30,288
No. No, not that.
We'll think of something.
118
00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:35,494
Don't worry about it.
119
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:39,831
Chores, fine for the beaver
120
00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:43,101
but not exactly
tycoon territory.
121
00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:47,038
Ah, I've gotta find a way
to earn money now.
122
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:48,407
But how?
123
00:06:51,345 --> 00:06:55,414
"Looking for a way
to earn money now?
124
00:06:55,416 --> 00:06:58,517
Call this toll-free number."
125
00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:01,286
Opportunity knocks.
126
00:07:11,198 --> 00:07:14,866
Well, hello!
Yeah, uh, when do I start?
127
00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:17,769
Huh? Oh, oh, ALF.
My name is ALF.
128
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:21,139
Yeah.
Have I earned any money yet?
129
00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:24,109
What do you mean
I have to sell something first?
130
00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:27,579
Alright, fine. Send it here
and I'll sell it.
131
00:07:27,581 --> 00:07:29,981
Uh, 167 Hemdale.
132
00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:32,717
It's a beige house.
You can't miss it.
133
00:07:32,719 --> 00:07:34,719
Yeah, great.
Oh, oh, wait a minute.
134
00:07:34,721 --> 00:07:37,489
Before I forget.
One more question.
135
00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:39,991
What am I gonna be selling?
136
00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:41,726
ALF, this package is for you.
137
00:07:41,728 --> 00:07:43,462
Oh, it's here. Yeah.
138
00:07:43,464 --> 00:07:44,763
What's here? What is it?
139
00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:45,897
Can I open it?
140
00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:47,666
Hey, hey, hey, come on.
141
00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:50,335
Let's not get impatient,
shall we?
142
00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:56,174
Tastefully packaged?
Well, I guess so.
143
00:07:57,611 --> 00:08:00,111
ALF, these are cosmetics.
144
00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:02,848
That's right, cosmetics.
145
00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:05,083
This must be
the earlobe freshener.
146
00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:08,253
ALF, what are you doing
with cosmetics?
147
00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:11,523
Huh? Oh, didn't I tell you?
I got a job.
148
00:08:11,525 --> 00:08:13,825
I'm a Terry Faith girl.
149
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:15,026
I thought you were an alien.
150
00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:17,596
Why can't I have
the best of both worlds?
151
00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:20,031
But, ALF, how can you sell
Terry Faith cosmetics?
152
00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:23,268
Lynn, honey, I know exactly
what you're gonna say.
153
00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:25,337
I can't do
the public number, right?
154
00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:28,039
Ha! Well, just send
that worry packing.
155
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:30,275
I make it all happen
over the phone.
156
00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:32,010
But don't you have to know
something about makeup
157
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,445
before you can sell it?
158
00:08:33,447 --> 00:08:36,014
That's the great thing
about this company.
159
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:39,384
They welcome ignorance.
160
00:08:40,821 --> 00:08:43,488
Have you ever had
a Terry Faith facial?
161
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:44,990
Can't say that I have.
162
00:08:44,992 --> 00:08:46,958
You don't know anything
about this stuff.
163
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,494
Honey, honey,
that's why we have this book.
164
00:08:49,496 --> 00:08:53,164
"The Wonderful World Of
Terry Faith Cosmetics."
165
00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:56,301
Let's check it out here.
Here we go.
166
00:08:56,303 --> 00:09:00,071
"Terry Faith was born
outside of Dayton, Ohio
167
00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:03,341
at a bend in the road
near the turn of the century."
168
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:05,076
What does it says about
how to give a facial?
169
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:06,912
Don't you wanna hear about
the early years?
170
00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:08,346
- I do.
- I don't.
171
00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:10,849
- Let's skip to the facial part.
- Alright, okay.
172
00:09:10,851 --> 00:09:12,083
Here we go.
173
00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:15,320
"Chapter I, the facial part."
174
00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:17,722
Here, hold this.
175
00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:18,990
Let's see here.
176
00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:21,826
This must be the stuff.
177
00:09:21,828 --> 00:09:25,564
Come on, Lynn, get down here.
Let's give it a shot.
178
00:09:25,566 --> 00:09:28,466
It says apply liberally
to customer's face and neck.
179
00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:32,070
What do you think?
180
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,605
- Just a little bit.
- Yeah, yeah, okay.
181
00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:37,609
[humming]
182
00:09:37,611 --> 00:09:39,277
Yeah.
183
00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:42,847
Yeah, here it's going on
real smooth.
184
00:09:42,849 --> 00:09:45,216
- Just, just a little bit.
- It says apply liberally.
185
00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:47,218
Okay. Okay, apply liberally.
186
00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:48,219
Alright, that's what I'm doing.
187
00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:49,254
- Alright.
- Alright.
188
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:50,855
Here we go. I'm applying it.
189
00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:51,957
- Okay
- Good. Okay. Good.
190
00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:54,893
Now, uh, now for cheek color
191
00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:58,396
I think Terry suggests
something like, uh
192
00:09:58,398 --> 00:09:59,731
Evening Lobster.
193
00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:01,566
- Can I see a mirror?
- Not yet, not yet.
194
00:10:01,568 --> 00:10:05,003
Now, I want you to suck in those
cheeks real tight. Like this.
195
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:08,940
Superb. Let's do this.
196
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:13,044
Here we go.
Oh, oh, yeah. Yeah.
197
00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:15,246
Here, uh, missed a spot
right there.
198
00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:18,283
- Great. Oh.
- Okay. Now can I see a mirror?
199
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:20,085
I don't think you want to.
200
00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:21,920
My work speaks for itself.
201
00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:23,722
Come on. Let me have it.
202
00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:28,393
I'm gonna go wash my face.
203
00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:29,794
You didn't let it harden.
204
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:31,363
Before it hardens.
205
00:10:32,766 --> 00:10:37,602
Brian, I'm in business.
My freeloader days are numbered.
206
00:10:37,604 --> 00:10:40,772
- What about your parasite days?
- Hey, come on now.
207
00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:43,775
Just help me pack this stuff up
and carry it to my room.
208
00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:45,710
[telephone ringing]
209
00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:51,282
Hello. Just a minute.
210
00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:54,085
ALF, it's for you.
Someone named Ginger.
211
00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:57,856
Oh, great. Great. Thanks.
212
00:10:57,858 --> 00:11:01,760
Hello, Ging. Darling!
213
00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:03,695
Oh, I just got the package.
214
00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:05,697
It's divine.
215
00:11:05,699 --> 00:11:07,499
Yeah, the lipsticks?
216
00:11:07,501 --> 00:11:10,669
I didn't know there were
so many luscious colors.
217
00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:15,940
Yeah. Oh, that tangerine tango
is exquisite.
218
00:11:15,942 --> 00:11:18,710
What? Couple of extra cases?
219
00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:21,312
Oh, yeah, no problem.
Mm-hmm, yeah.
220
00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:23,314
Yeah, send 'em over.
I'll move 'em.
221
00:11:23,316 --> 00:11:25,817
Yeah, just put it on my account.
222
00:11:25,819 --> 00:11:29,120
Yeah, okay. Thank you. Ciao.
223
00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:32,490
Alright, Brian,
I'm checking out.
224
00:11:32,492 --> 00:11:36,327
¶ Of the Parasite Hotel ¶
225
00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:39,798
¶ Gonna move that mousse
and styling gel ¶¶
226
00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:43,401
[instrumental music]
227
00:11:46,173 --> 00:11:48,006
It's too quiet.
228
00:11:48,008 --> 00:11:50,208
- For reading?
- For the house.
229
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,409
Where is ALF?
230
00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:53,178
Oh, I don't know.
He could be resting.
231
00:11:53,180 --> 00:11:54,546
He could be reading.
232
00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:56,381
He could be carrying our towels
through the den.
233
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:57,882
- Excuse me, ALF.
- Yo.
234
00:11:57,884 --> 00:12:00,351
Why are you carrying our towels
through the den?
235
00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:03,154
Aren't we
a curious George tonight?
236
00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:05,824
[telephone ringing]
237
00:12:05,826 --> 00:12:07,092
Hello.
238
00:12:07,094 --> 00:12:08,727
We'd like an answer
to that question.
239
00:12:10,030 --> 00:12:12,197
It's for you.
Someone named Ginger.
240
00:12:12,199 --> 00:12:13,865
Oh, ho..
Here, hold this, hold this.
241
00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:15,233
Yeah.
242
00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:17,702
Hello.
243
00:12:17,704 --> 00:12:21,906
Hiya, Ging.
Yeah, what's cookin'?
244
00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:24,342
Uh-huh.
Yeah, uh-huh, oh..
245
00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:26,311
How's Oscar's hernia?
246
00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:28,847
Oh, good, that's good news.
247
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:33,618
Oh, Ging, I couldn't agree more.
248
00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:39,591
Yeah, those hunting sashes
are going to be very hot.
249
00:12:39,593 --> 00:12:42,093
Yeah, yeah,
send me a ton of those.
250
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,895
A hunting sashes?
251
00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:46,698
Newcomer of the month? Moi?
252
00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:49,367
Ha! Well, I don't know
what to say.
253
00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:52,036
I'm floored. I'm agog.
254
00:12:52,038 --> 00:12:54,539
I'm absolutely silly.
255
00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:56,474
(ALF)
'Yeah, okay, look,
gotta run, hun.'
256
00:12:56,476 --> 00:12:58,710
Love to Bridget and Peg.
Bye-bye.
257
00:12:58,712 --> 00:12:59,944
[kissing]
258
00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:02,580
- Yeah.
- Alright, alright.
259
00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:04,048
Let's just start
at the beginning.
260
00:13:04,050 --> 00:13:05,717
Who's Ginger?
261
00:13:05,719 --> 00:13:09,087
And why are you talking to her
about hunting sashes
262
00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:10,989
and if you'll pardon
my ignorance
263
00:13:10,991 --> 00:13:13,658
what are hunting sashes?
264
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:16,294
Alright.
I was gonna tell you anyway.
265
00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:19,164
I have a job.
266
00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:20,999
- A what?
- A job.
267
00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:22,834
I'm in the rouge-slinging game.
268
00:13:23,603 --> 00:13:24,636
What?
269
00:13:24,638 --> 00:13:27,605
That's a trade lingo
for beauty rep.
270
00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:30,441
- What?
- I'm selling cosmetics.
271
00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:33,678
ALF, I thought we decided
against your getting a job.
272
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:35,280
This isn't a job.
273
00:13:35,282 --> 00:13:38,516
It's a glittering,
fast pace career.
274
00:13:38,518 --> 00:13:41,252
If I play my cards right,
I can bring home twice
275
00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:44,022
what the civil servant
here does.
276
00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:46,791
The civil servant doesn't
need you to sell cosmetics.
277
00:13:46,793 --> 00:13:49,761
The civil servant is doing
just fine. Thank you very much.
278
00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:53,198
Mom, where are all the tow..
279
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:55,800
Oh, the towels are in here.
280
00:13:55,802 --> 00:13:59,304
ALF, ALF was just about
to tell us why.
281
00:13:59,306 --> 00:14:03,174
Well, maybe he needed
some storage space.
282
00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:05,376
Oh, you can drop the cover,
Lynn.
283
00:14:05,378 --> 00:14:07,812
I've blown the lid off
of the Operation Makeup.
284
00:14:07,814 --> 00:14:10,648
Lynn, you mean you knew about
this and didn't tell us?
285
00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:13,051
Well, ALF asked me
not to say anything
286
00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:16,621
until he made enough money to
bail out the civil servant.
287
00:14:16,623 --> 00:14:19,891
Yeah, I mean, I finally
feel like a productive
288
00:14:19,893 --> 00:14:21,292
member of society.
289
00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:23,494
I'm pulling my weight, Willie.
290
00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:26,397
By selling cosmetics?
291
00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:29,234
Yeah, dad. He's really
excited about working.
292
00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:30,635
Let's give him a chance.
293
00:14:30,637 --> 00:14:32,837
Yeah, yeah. Wait till you
check out these goods.
294
00:14:32,839 --> 00:14:34,239
I'll be right back.
295
00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:36,975
You know, Willie.
296
00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:39,978
Honey, it's kind of nice
that he wants to help us out.
297
00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:44,916
Well, I guess we should be
supportive...for a while.
298
00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:46,918
And then, if he does manage
to show a profit
299
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:47,986
not that we need it.
300
00:14:47,988 --> 00:14:49,821
Alright, here we go.
301
00:14:49,823 --> 00:14:51,222
Sit down, Katydid.
302
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:54,392
Let's try to reverse
the ravages of time.
303
00:14:54,928 --> 00:14:56,227
What?
304
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,528
Hey, come on,
don't fight it, Kate.
305
00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:59,497
It happens to everyone, alright?
306
00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:02,367
Willie, do I look old?
307
00:15:02,369 --> 00:15:06,104
Why are you
even listening to him?
308
00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:07,505
He is a beauty consultant.
309
00:15:08,675 --> 00:15:10,275
- Kate, honey.
- 'Mm-hmm.'
310
00:15:10,277 --> 00:15:11,843
- Listen to me, alright?
- 'Yeah.'
311
00:15:11,845 --> 00:15:13,044
And I mean this.
312
00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:15,847
It's not that you look old
313
00:15:15,849 --> 00:15:19,951
it's, it's just that a woman
of such radiant beauty
314
00:15:19,953 --> 00:15:25,189
should let her, her
lasting loveliness bloom
315
00:15:25,191 --> 00:15:26,791
with the passage of time.
316
00:15:27,861 --> 00:15:30,595
- Oh, brother.
- No, let him talk.
317
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,730
We're all gonna be supportive,
remember?
318
00:15:32,732 --> 00:15:35,233
Alright, uh, ALF, maybe,
maybe I'll buy something.
319
00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:37,101
Um, what do you recommend?
320
00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:39,904
Well, uh, I say that, uh..
321
00:15:39,906 --> 00:15:42,807
...our sub-reflective
chin buffing paste is a must.
322
00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:46,644
- Really? How much is that?
- Fifty dollars.
323
00:15:46,646 --> 00:15:48,446
Or twenty.
324
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:49,814
How much you got?
325
00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:52,917
- Five.
- Sold.
326
00:15:52,919 --> 00:15:56,487
You got a real flair for the
business end of the thing too.
327
00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:59,424
Hey, I didn't get voted Newcomer
Of The Month for nothing.
328
00:15:59,426 --> 00:16:03,328
[scoffs]
How could you be voted
Newcomer Of The Month
329
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:05,430
when you haven't sold
anything yet?
330
00:16:05,432 --> 00:16:09,934
Ha! It's not how much you sell,
it's how much you buy.
331
00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:12,270
[doorbell rings]
332
00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:15,606
Well...exactly how much
did you buy?
333
00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:17,008
I'll have to check
my day planner.
334
00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:20,678
[doorbell rings]
335
00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:27,085
- William Tanner?
- Yes.
336
00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:29,620
I've got a delivery here for you
from the Terry Faith company.
337
00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:32,790
Hold it! Wait. Just a minute.
I'm not signing anything.
338
00:16:32,792 --> 00:16:37,028
No signature's necessary. This
was all paid for over the phone.
339
00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:39,597
I'll be back with the rest
when I get a bigger truck.
340
00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:41,599
Keep the faith.
341
00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:45,470
Four thousand dollars.
342
00:16:45,472 --> 00:16:48,673
Yup, that matches my total.
343
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:52,477
ALF, how were you able to
purchase $4000 worth of makeup?
344
00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:55,346
Plastic. I put it on your visa.
345
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:57,382
Oh, incidentally,
you're over your limit.
346
00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:03,521
You used my credit card
to buy $4000 worth of makeup?
347
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:05,523
Hey, what choice did I have?
348
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:08,526
Banks don't give a line of
credit to people with one name.
349
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,495
Except Madonna.
350
00:17:10,497 --> 00:17:12,063
I don't believe this.
351
00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:13,865
Come on, you'll get it all back.
352
00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:16,634
The markup on this stuff
is outrageous.
353
00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:18,970
Here, look, you're already
five bucks ahead.
354
00:17:18,972 --> 00:17:24,342
ALF! ALF, ALF, what do you do
when the stuff turns green?
355
00:17:24,344 --> 00:17:25,643
Well, let's see here.
356
00:17:26,913 --> 00:17:31,049
Dayton, Dayton..
Her first marriage, puffy eyes.
357
00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:33,351
"Return to Dayton."
Oh, here we go.
358
00:17:33,353 --> 00:17:35,086
"When things turn green."
359
00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:38,856
What, you're gonna leave
the kid looking like that?
360
00:17:38,858 --> 00:17:41,259
Lynn, go help your brother
take his makeup off.
361
00:17:41,261 --> 00:17:42,627
Okay. Come on.
362
00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:44,796
[sighs]
363
00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:51,069
You have abused the trust
of this family far too long.
364
00:17:52,872 --> 00:17:54,038
You're grounded!
365
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:57,075
Oh! No phone, no television,
no nothing!
366
00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:59,243
Not until we get this
makeup mess straightened out.
367
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:03,247
My career really threatens you,
doesn't it, Willie?
368
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,083
Yes, financially.
369
00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:06,517
Life's funny.
370
00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:09,387
You try and help someone out
and boom
371
00:18:09,389 --> 00:18:11,689
they turn on you
like a wild animal!
372
00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:14,058
[doorbell rings]
373
00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:15,593
If that's a load
of your deliveryman--
374
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,728
No, that's probably the girls.
375
00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:21,132
- The girls?
- I'm sorry. The women.
376
00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:23,234
- What women?
- The customers.
377
00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:26,237
The ones coming
to the Terry Faith party.
378
00:18:26,239 --> 00:18:27,939
That's what the towels were for.
379
00:18:27,941 --> 00:18:30,141
It is, it's women.
380
00:18:30,143 --> 00:18:33,311
You are not to entertain
customers in this house.
381
00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:36,280
Of course, I'm not.
You are.
382
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:37,815
What do you mean we are?
383
00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:39,951
I was trying to explain it
to you.
384
00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:42,787
See, your role in
a Terry Faith's sales family
385
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:46,257
is to play host and hostess
to my customers.
386
00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:49,093
I-i-if that means selling
your makeup, forget it!
387
00:18:49,095 --> 00:18:51,796
Willie, Willie,
these products sell themselves.
388
00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:53,798
[doorbell rings]
You don't have to do a thing.
389
00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:58,102
Except entertain
a houseful of strangers.
390
00:18:58,104 --> 00:19:00,138
Relax.
They'll be wearing name tags.
391
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:01,572
[doorbell rings]
392
00:19:01,574 --> 00:19:05,176
Oh, and by the way,
don't take any personal checks.
393
00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:07,845
[knock on door]
Willie!
394
00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:09,614
Don't worry, don't worry.
395
00:19:09,616 --> 00:19:12,683
I'm gonna put an end to this
right now.
396
00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:14,318
- Ladies--
- Oh, hi.
397
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:17,688
- Oh, what a beautiful house.
- Hi, hi. No, I'm not ALF.
398
00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:19,824
Oh, then you must be
his assistant, Willie.
399
00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:22,860
- Where's ALF?
- ALF is at a, uh--
400
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:24,428
- The director's meeting.
- Ooh.
401
00:19:24,430 --> 00:19:27,465
Yes, right. Uh, ladies, if I may
have your attention, please.
402
00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:28,799
About these products--
403
00:19:28,801 --> 00:19:30,334
Willie, hun,
you don't have to sell us
404
00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:31,869
the products sell themselves.
405
00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:34,672
- I'll have an espresso.
- Oh, gee, that sounds good.
406
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,107
Could you sprinkle a little
cinnamon on mine
407
00:19:36,109 --> 00:19:38,476
and don't bother
to heat the strudel.
408
00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:41,112
Espresso and strudel.
409
00:19:41,114 --> 00:19:42,880
Uh, listen, ladies,
I don't know what ALF told you
410
00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:44,315
about these cosmetics--
411
00:19:44,317 --> 00:19:45,983
Oh, never mind, here they are.
412
00:19:45,985 --> 00:19:48,819
Is it okay if we open these..
Stop.
413
00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:52,823
No, no.
That's not a good idea. No, no.
414
00:19:52,825 --> 00:19:55,059
- Oh, is that espresso coming?
- And strudel?
415
00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:56,460
Uh, I'll see.
416
00:19:56,462 --> 00:19:59,764
Oh, Willie, did the muffin-free
eye solvent finally come in?
417
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,834
Kate.
418
00:20:03,836 --> 00:20:06,737
Tell the girls to hang on.
The food is on its way.
419
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:10,374
Cinnamon.
420
00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:13,978
What am I doing? We don't even
have an espresso machine.
421
00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:17,148
Too bad. It's kinda standard
at these parties.
422
00:20:17,150 --> 00:20:19,250
Look, let them start on these.
I'll make some instant.
423
00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:22,887
You're not making anything.
The party is over.
424
00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:25,756
[doorbell rings]
Willie is not doing
his card tricks again, is he?
425
00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:27,558
Yeah, that's..
426
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:29,527
- Hi.
- Oh, come in.
427
00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:32,530
Look, what...wait till you see.
They've got all the shades.
428
00:20:32,532 --> 00:20:33,898
- 'Wait..'
- Oh, that's wonderful.
429
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:35,900
Oh, Willie,
I don't wanna ruin my manicure.
430
00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:38,869
Would you rub this in for me?
431
00:20:38,871 --> 00:20:43,107
- Oh...where?
- Wherever I need it.
432
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:52,783
- Willie..
- Oh, hi, Kate.
433
00:20:52,785 --> 00:20:57,722
- Uh, can we change a $100 bill?
- A $100?
434
00:20:57,724 --> 00:20:59,090
Oh, Willie,
never mind the change.
435
00:20:59,092 --> 00:21:01,559
I'll take this
and the guacamole skin toner
436
00:21:01,561 --> 00:21:03,094
and we'll call it even.
437
00:21:03,096 --> 00:21:06,297
Guacamole skin toner.
I've gotta have some of that.
438
00:21:06,299 --> 00:21:08,266
Oh, did someone say guacamole?
439
00:21:08,268 --> 00:21:09,900
- Willie, what's going on?
- I don't know.
440
00:21:09,902 --> 00:21:11,902
But, uh,
I think we sold something.
441
00:21:11,904 --> 00:21:14,105
Willie, will you take
personal checks?
442
00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:16,307
Oh, I don't know.
Uh, should we?
443
00:21:16,309 --> 00:21:18,242
(ALF)
'Get some ID.'
444
00:21:18,244 --> 00:21:20,044
Get some ID.
445
00:21:20,046 --> 00:21:22,747
Willie, I think I bought enough
to qualify for the luggage.
446
00:21:22,749 --> 00:21:23,981
What luggage?
447
00:21:23,983 --> 00:21:25,216
Well, ALF told me
I get my choice
448
00:21:25,218 --> 00:21:27,318
of either soft sided
or mock Naugahyde
449
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:29,720
and I'd like to see them
before I make my choice.
450
00:21:29,722 --> 00:21:31,656
I don't know
what you're talking about, lady.
451
00:21:31,658 --> 00:21:33,924
ALF said you'll try
to talk me out of it.
452
00:21:33,926 --> 00:21:36,227
Myrna, uh, forget the luggage.
453
00:21:36,229 --> 00:21:39,597
Just buy another $200 worth
and take the trip to Dayton.
454
00:21:39,599 --> 00:21:41,799
You'll love the museum.
It's marvelous.
455
00:21:41,801 --> 00:21:43,301
Great idea.
456
00:21:43,303 --> 00:21:46,103
Willie, honey, do you think
we're doing the right thing?
457
00:21:46,105 --> 00:21:47,905
I don't know.
We've got no choice.
458
00:21:47,907 --> 00:21:49,840
We're in this up to our necks.
459
00:21:49,842 --> 00:21:52,410
Necks?
Oh, that reminds me.
460
00:21:52,412 --> 00:21:55,446
Willie dear, where is that
neck tightener I ordered?
461
00:21:55,448 --> 00:21:57,281
Coming, bunny.
462
00:21:57,283 --> 00:21:58,849
I'll be right back, dear.
463
00:22:00,286 --> 00:22:01,852
Cheez Whiz?
464
00:22:03,990 --> 00:22:05,990
Hey, Tanner,
the rest of your stuff is here.
465
00:22:05,992 --> 00:22:08,359
Should I back the truck up to
the door or what?
466
00:22:09,295 --> 00:22:12,163
[instrumental music]
467
00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:16,200
[instrumental music]
468
00:22:19,138 --> 00:22:21,138
Well, all the figures are in.
469
00:22:21,140 --> 00:22:24,175
- How much did we make?
- Not so fast.
470
00:22:24,177 --> 00:22:25,710
I need a drumroll.
471
00:22:25,712 --> 00:22:26,977
Just tell us.
472
00:22:26,979 --> 00:22:29,246
I'm not telling you
until I get a drumroll.
473
00:22:30,149 --> 00:22:32,216
Give me that.
474
00:22:32,218 --> 00:22:33,451
Well..
475
00:22:33,453 --> 00:22:34,952
Now, we did pretty well.
476
00:22:34,954 --> 00:22:38,489
Pretty well? We made it all back
plus a small profit.
477
00:22:38,491 --> 00:22:41,292
Oh, boy, can we get
an air-hockey table?
478
00:22:41,294 --> 00:22:43,994
No, I think
we'll just use this money
479
00:22:43,996 --> 00:22:46,297
to pay for that phone call
to Munich.
480
00:22:46,299 --> 00:22:48,532
You know, if we have few more
of these parties--
481
00:22:48,534 --> 00:22:51,335
No, no more parties.
No more makeup.
482
00:22:51,337 --> 00:22:52,937
No more Terry Faith.
483
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,474
Well, I want you all to know
484
00:22:56,476 --> 00:22:59,477
how much I appreciate
your giving me the chance.
485
00:22:59,479 --> 00:23:02,346
You came through for me,
and it all worked out
486
00:23:02,348 --> 00:23:06,016
and now,
I've got something for you.
487
00:23:06,018 --> 00:23:09,053
Lynn, tell them
what they've won.
488
00:23:09,055 --> 00:23:14,759
You have just won a beautiful
set of mock Naugahyde luggage.
489
00:23:16,162 --> 00:23:20,564
ALF, that is really,
really sweet.
490
00:23:20,566 --> 00:23:23,367
It looks just like
real Naugahyde.
491
00:23:23,369 --> 00:23:25,603
And that's only
the beginning, folks.
492
00:23:25,605 --> 00:23:29,340
Because next week,
we'll be packing those bags
493
00:23:29,342 --> 00:23:32,543
and leaving
for beautiful Dayton
494
00:23:32,545 --> 00:23:34,845
'where we'll be spending
three days and two nights'
495
00:23:34,847 --> 00:23:37,782
at the beautiful
Terryland Hotel.
496
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You'll be dancing and dining in
the beautiful eye shadow lounge
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and visiting
the Terry Faith museum
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where Terry herself
is on display
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gorgeously preserved in the
revolving crystal casket.
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"To preserve the dignity
of this monument
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there will be no
flash photography."
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[instrumental music]
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[theme music]
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[ALF laughing]